Murphy is back!

Murphy's law is very well known and when i reflect upon my good old college days..I can clearly see as to how the law explains why if you think something simply cannot go wrong , it just has to and will go wrong anyways.

..ahem...Here are a few" accidental mishaps" i have encountered and am sure you must have too!

The day you decide to take the bus to college-

-Everyone who usually commute by their own vehicle also seem to have decided to take the bus that day..and they usually fall under two categories

1. They r only men

2. They have passed out of college long time back and seem to be simply searching...er...what they call..destiny!

or

-There is a bus strike..and the probabilities are that

1. All the above population rush to the bus stand to get their vehicles and provide you free entertainment. They never have the courage to give you a lift though and the ones who do offer you a lift...are the ones with HERO Honda stickers on their SLR cycles!

If you get lucky and there is no bus strike

-The bus is so crowded that-

1 you also usually end up doing the tarzan thingie..and inspite of that land up on the footboard.

If u accidentally do manage to go beyond the footboard...you land up going all the way right in the middle of no where and get stuck there. There the probabilities are-

* There is always a girl next to you who falls under the two options

- who has decided to make her head a walking coconut hair oil factory, and hence the studious girl she is, decides to give free oil to the rest of the passengers.

- A self-confessed...er.."rights activist" who extends the same sympathy to the hive of lice and nits on her head and allows it to peacefully co-exist...and shares the pleasure of rearing them to fellow humans too!

* There is always a man next to you who is wearing his family shirt, passed on to him by his great ancestors, which he has for some sentimental reason managed not to wash- FAMILY SCENT! i guess..and if he comes from a water scarce area..the probabilities are that he has'nt taken bath since last deepavali and has used a mixture of sprays and scents as liberally as water.

And if for some reason you do escape all the above situations and manage to get a seat and seem to enjoy a dream ride...the bus stops right in the middle of the highway...and the driver informs you that there has been a break down! (phew!!)

Monkey-see Monkey-do

I know i do not hold a masters degree in English ...and I do not think i am proficient in this language....but seeing this advertisement being flashed almost every time i switch on the TV, just couldnt ignore the dumbness certain people exhibit who claim english to be their mother tongue!

"ZERO % FINANCING"

"zero percent financing' is grammatically and syntactically correct. But it's a dumb and awkward way to convey a simple message. When I first saw this Advertisement I was really amazed ...coz the full ad went something like this "zero percent finance guaranteed on all cars including the latest models". Just when i was thinking someone would definitely correct it...in followed another advertisemnt "zero percent financing" ...this time on furnitures and carpets!

Well this got me thinking on the numerous monkey- see- monkey- do mentality at work...it does make an interesting topic though. To quote some:-

input output - These two words are perfectly good nouns, but the idiot idiom wants to use them as verbs. It was only geeks who'd write, "Input the data using the keyboard. Output it to the disk." Today this is used universally - as in, "The input is patient's weight. The output is probability of death." Why.... i have even heard my neighbor using it while explaining the concept of electricity to his 6 year old -" When you input the plug, output is the light you see there"....yes i clearly see now, that some things do travel faster than the speed of light!

@ sign - This is where the monkey-seers monkey-doers are out in full force. The @ sign is something that goes on a price list or in an e-mail address. It's not a word. But people are now using it as if it were. "COMING SOON @ STORE NEAR YOU", " GET HEALTHY @ YOUR HOSPITAL".

The it-it's-its Itch- People apparently, have forgotten about his and hers. "What do I do with this apostrophe?" - James Joyce's Finnegans mentioned, "the It with an itch in it... ." I guess that many people have never heard of his and hers. I'm sure that if they did, they would never write it's when they mean its.

Bad Vs Badly - It’s incorrect to say you’re feeling badly. Many people think that it sounds smarter to say feeling badly. But, for example, Ron feels badly could mean that Ron doesn’t have a keen sense of touch.

There, their, they're - Mixing up their, there, and they’re is an easy way to make yourself look silly.Their is a possessive pronoun. There refers to location.They’re is a contraction of they are.I am always careful not to confuse theirs with there’s.
.......And whatever I do, I never use their’s at all.

Just when i think i have had enough, my neighbor comes searching for my husband, since he was'nt at home, i enquired. He replied-"nah I am shifting , so needed help with uploading and downloading the furnitures and stuff ."...THERE you go again...

The only funny typo is someone else's!

"I am the very master of all errors typographical

Wrong punctuation deplorable, terrible, and horrible

I somehow butcher English..." - RED ANT

" A day without a laugh is a wasted day"...so have a laugh at my expense:)

Some of the typos i made while chatting on the internet -
situation 1: Friend-"so did u buy anything?"
me-"nah just did widow shopping"(instead of window shopping):))
situation 2:me-"i wish you were here!
fiance-"i wish you were her too"....phoo....now that could have literally cost our marriage!
situation 3: i was sharing the news of having met a prospective groom with my friend
Friend-" so you were telling me you met a guy last week.."
me-"oh! that GAY".....(instead of guy, heheh..)
friend-"???"
This may have happened to many of us...i am no exception.
situation 4: friend-"i got my B.ed results yesterday"
me- "so how much did you score in BED??"..lol...the biggest joke was when she typed back" oh I did great...!"
situation 5:It was sankashti and we usually fast that day, being my first fasting experience, my SIL decided to enquire
SIL-" so when are you breaking your fast?"
me-"oh thanks for asking...i just finished feasting."
SIL-"feasting???"
me -"oh sorry typo, i was farting no doubt"
SIL-"farting"???
me-"sorry typo again...just finished flirting"
SIL-"go eat something, fist...fasting is HOT for u!" (instead of first and not..hehehe)

to be updated as and when i remember....DO feel free to share your typos too!

what's in a name?

Just called up my husband, reminding him, to file our tax returns....and also to wish him luck!!! Filling up forms and questionnaires has always been a hell/hair-raising/ falling/ tearing experience for me...why? take a look

NAME OF THE APPLICANT-(easy u think!)

FIRST NAME

MIDDLE NAME

LAST NAME...

you really think you are done?

FULL NAME OF THE APPLICANT...(Well whose name did u think i filled in above!!?)

YOUR NAME...(Stumped, bowled, stupidified...was someone else supposed to fill all of the above?)

just when you think the most challenging question is over......

MAIDEN NAME

CHANGED NAME/MARRIED NAME ..(hmmm...why not provide space for...1st, 2nd, 3rd...)

NAME AT BIRTH (If changed).....(what!! define maiden name pls!)

If u think its all over with names.....

FOR IDENTIFICATION PURPOSE PLS PROVIDE:

PIN NO: (personal identification number number??)

PASSPORT NO:

hmmm...seems to be back on track..easy road ahead!...

.....IN YOUR DREAMS!!

INSURANCE NO:(medical, dental, life or vehicular?)

VEHICLE NO:-

1.TWO WHEELER
2.FOUR WHEELER...(hey listen.... what if i own a three wheeler or a six wheeler??)

IDENTIFICATION MARK...(PROVIDE AT LEAST 3)
1.
2.
3.....(hmmm...for people who have no VISIBLE identification mark...create some i suppose?)

and just when you think you are finally done....

YOUR THUMB IMPRESSION:

SIGNATURE OF THE APPLICANT ( must be legible & written in bold)

hmmm..what next???

probably...

...Pls attach a sample of your hair for D.N.A verification!....(but then again ...u see.... what if one is bald??)

A Tale of strategies gone all wrong..

"WE WOULD NOT SEND YOU REPEAT RENEWAL NOTICES SEVERAL MONTHS BEFORE YOUR SUBSCRIPTION EXPIRES"...AND i have been finding the renewal notice showing up without fail every month attached to the magazine right from my first subscription.

Now thats what is "Persuasive selling" in the marketing jargon...hmmm...how much persuation is too much persuation?? now thats an interesting topic a house wife can drool on.

Take a peek as to how far it can get.

1. you get a call when you are in middle of your important work...er...lets say colon cleansing process.

1st time... you ask them to get back after sometime.

2nd time when you are pulling the flush handle....hmmm...now now..someone is in dire urgency to sell their product.Next..

3rd time you get a call in middle of your bath...someone wants to sell you "a credit card "...wrong call boss..must have tried selling me a towel instead...anyways...u tell them you are not interested.

4th time .... you are just about packing your bags, for you have won a date to miami with Tom Cruise...well in your dreams of course!...but DARN!!you dont even make it in your dreams... because the stupid phone rings and you are out of dream land..but guess what they are selling you this time" a free getaway trip to Florida"...well, well..i would have been a prospective customer, if it were a "getaway trip to Miami" . Now WAIT! for a moment cant stop wondering if it was just a coincidence ...or...well anyways you go back to your packing!

5th time when you are actually free and wouldnt mind a conversation with a stranger...this time though..no one is free to talk to you..you hear a recorded mesage playing on the other end...ooh..how very insensitive!

In India the salesrep would have rang your door bell till there was a short-circuit ...of course, then you wouldnt let go of him/ her after that...would you??? and as a bargain he/she may even coax u into buying the product in return for bearing half the expense to get your door-bell fixed.
No wonder they dont have door bells here in US...yeah tough luck with your knuckles...i say!

Then they started giving away freebies...now now.. its never too late to realise that freebies are indeed costlier than your product or is it?

...and Oh! how can i forget the TV commercials that never fail to amuse me...coz most of the time the target audience...i.e the men are busy checking out the female models, that they miss out on the product and for the fairer sex...remote plzzz..

And as far as targetting the population of cats and dogs is concerned ...well i have just one thing to say to you pal ....From when has your "Dog started going shopping ??"

No wonder they still call it an-AD MAD WORLD! On the positive side -thanks for the entertainment, i say!!

Wake up call!

Samresh Jung becomes the first Indian in the history of Common wealth games to be adjudged "The Best Athlete".

Reading that headline first thing in the morning sure did brighten up my day. But i couldnt stop wondering about this years National awardees. Film stars who dance around the trees are called celebrities, a certain someone who has hardly won a grand slam becomes a youth icon and is honoured with a national award..sure, encouragement is fine...but hasnt it been dragged out a bit too much...Yet people who had character proved by example that enjoying life without character is impossible. I mean, people like Manjunath, Stayedra Dubey & many others who have stood with their value system for the betterment of the people were all conveniently forgotten. I guess if this is how our country recognises merit...brain drain is inevitable.

I am proud to be an Indian but certainly not proud to be a part of this politically manipulated recognition that exisits in our country.

Anyways.....Jung...way to go man!!

I hope The Indian government wakes up in time!

Small wonders

One thing i always love is teaching....and when i am not teaching i find myself preaching.

It didnt take me long to find out that being tagged a good student does not come without great deal of responsibilities..well to start with , in your own house, your younger sibling always wonders if you were in fact a family member or exchanged hands after birth. Your name is constantly quoted by your neighbors as an example , only making the situation worse, your close friend always wonders why after having spent so much time with you she still hasnt improved her grades....and all that leaves you getting nightmares of when all of them will gang up to bring you down...Sometimes you wonder if all this is too high a price to pay for studying well.

Well, studying indeed was my only pass time. for i dont remember having spent much time doing anything else. so text books became more of a solace in my life. Standing first in class brought joy to my parents espl my mother who always had something nice to talk about me to our neighbors. And you know how mothers are...adding their own bits to make their story even more appealing to the listener. Anyways, with the kind of canvassing i was getting, soon my neighbors found out a place where they could send their kids to get some additional enlightment. It started with doubts, help with assignments and I ended up taking long teaching sessions and some times even preaching, counseling and mentoring sessions.....I loved every moment of it and i am certain my mother must have felt the proudest of all! Though i loved teaching one thing i was sure was that i wouldnt become a teacher....all my mothers coaxing went down the drain.

But when i came down to US after marriage on a dependent visa...all the loneliness and the waste of time was getting on to me . So i finally decided to volunteer as a teacher at a school here.

The very first day i went to class i was hardly my self. Suddenly i had this “responsible” attitude as i entered my class.The class did'nt rise as i anticipated when the “teacher” entered which actually put me at ease. I started out with reading out to kids who had missed their previous classes....well i forgot to mention. i handled the 4th and the 5th graders. It was not at all a herculean task. My students were all very quick to think. I still remember during the maths class when they were being taught "figures" one student stood up at the end of the class and asked why they had odd and difficult names like quadrilateral, octagon, pentagon etc.. when one can just call them a four sided figure or five sided figure.

Those few days, i realised that they had taught me probably more than what i had taught them. I discovered the child in me again...and life was never the same after that...i felt more happier and satisfied.

But all good things do come to an end. Soon there was not much of work to do and my help was not required there anymore. They promised however that they would call me as soon as something came up....thats when it suddenly hit me that i was just a volunteer. anyways i didnt hear them for a week after that...and i almost gave up hope..when on a sunday night i got a call at 8 asking me if i was free and could volunteer again the following week. i readily accepted. But what she told me after that completely swept me off my feet. She told that almost every kid in the class had missed me and enquired my absence. Some wanted to know if i had gone back to India and that they were so sad that they couldnt even bid me a farewell. I was too happy to react. "Good night and see you over tommorow" was what i heard before the line went off.

I couldnt sleep that night. I was left with a feeling i cannot quite explain...and the next day i was swarmed with tiny tots for a very long time each competing with other to tell me how much they missed me.

I've been a teacher for a few days in my life, and one class bestowed an enormous adulation on me that i will never ever forget.....They call teaching a noble profession and that day i really knew what it meant to stand behind a table.I do not know if i could measure up to being called a “teacher“but i am proud of having been one,albeit only a few days,the recognition some gave me never fails to warm my heart-it is the biggest honour i have ever gotten by far.
And i have never looked at my teachers the same again!

There are some really great teachers,mostly we have forgotten to appreciate or even recognise. though they will forever stay in our memories.

I wonder why some teachers resort to corporal punishment and other humiliating punitive measures in Indian schools. Some children are moulded with kindness, some are hammered ...the same people who make some also break some.

I have been fortunate to have some great teachers, my mom being the very first ....My salutes to all of them!!

That which doesnt break me, makes me stronger

It was my first day at my new school...and the very first period...in walked our Hindi teacher. She was short, plump and had a thick layer of dark red lipstick.
Now now..its not my fault...i come from a place where teachers hardly had time to comb their hair properly. So you see i was literally caught staring at her...oh yeah..i was standing there like a fool still gaping at her, while the rest of the class had settled down wishing her a lengthy and a rythemic "good morning teacher". She seemed not to notice me as a new face...new teacher..i thought..Test she said. what? test on the 1st day of our class? Ok i did not panick.. i thought there would be a strong resistance from the class...no ..it was absolute silence...i was expecting atleast a small commotion. Without noticing how smaller my face had become, she started dictating a few words and asked us to write its "paryayvachi"....a what? i just sat there dumb.. everyone around me had already started scribbling down the answers, some with their heads so low that there was hardly any gap between their face and paper.I seemed to be such an outcast there. whats wrong with them? why werent they behaving normal? I wanted to scream my head off!
Anyways not withstanding the isolation i went up to the teacher and introduced myself, "Hmmm...new admission" , she glared down at me, "welcome" she said..and returned to do her own work...well, you see, that was not the reason i was there. So i stood there hoping she would ask me why i was still standing there. No...she seemed to be totally immersed in correcting her paper. "er...mam...mam...MAM...the whole class looked up..so did my teacher. "what?" she asked? "Mam i dont know Hindi much...blah blah..". She crossed check if HIndi was indeed my second language ..i confirmed it was...just that the place i was from, we were taught small word and sentence construction. Anyways, i was talking to her in english and she in Hindi...though i was not that good in talking hindi i definitely understood it. we had a not so pleasnt chat for another 10 mins about where i came from. Then she finally asked "what do you want"? "mam"..clearing my throat..."i would have atleast tried to answer the question if only i understood what paryayvachi means!"...after a pause... "YOU DONNO PARYAYVACHI??"... by now i had become the centre of attraction. Everyone had their eyes glued on me.I was almost in tears...i guess she saw that and then explained in her own english..."paryayvachi means "RHYMING" words".That is when i should have guessed her english was worse than my hindi!

since i was still ignorant,I took a deep breath and got back to my seat and started answering.
1st question "ghar"

ans: "sar, mar, par, dar"

there you go..what you want is what you get!

rhyming words huh? thats a piece of cake!
That day i wrote down all the rhyming word i ever knew in hindi.

Next day during the class my answers were read out aloud to the whole class....aah!! what an entertainment at my cost!...and one doesnt need to guess what i must have scored. yes...it was the first zero i had ever got, she even completed it with eyes and ears for it.... and It was just a beginning of the series of cartoons that followed the next two years...At the end of it, my dad got another transfer... i felt so relieved... i am not so sure if my teacher missed drawing cartoons on my paper!

But the day i left that school I swore to master that language, which i eventually did. It took me years but it was well worth the effort!

P.S- For those who still havent figured out what paryayvachi is..it means synonyms ("synonymous" words) :-)

Surreal dreams...

Everyone has dreams - scary, funny, sad, happy and some really wierd....and luckily for me...I dont have to sleep to dream:-)

I have recently been dreaming a lot....in my sleep of course...but there is one that got me to believe it was real. Its something like this, its my last semester exam the next day, that too my favourite subject portfolio management...For some reason, i am not able to concentrate. People keep coming and going in and out of my room.I finally find myself a secluded room and make myself comfortable there. But, I am so tired and nervous and anxious all at the same time that i fall asleep. The next day i wake up late in the morning. I am furious at the alarm. i had much of revision left. while i brush my teeth i try hard not to get scared and try to remember what all i have been taught. I think of all the ways i would go about revising and somehow making it up on time....I then go and switch the light and and try to figure out where my books are...It was then that in all that commotion my husband wakes up .. It was not until i saw him, that i realised i had been living my dream, for a while even after getting up. I couldnt manage a laugh for i was really scared for a moment. My heart lost a beat for a second. Till that day i had never imagined a dream could leave me that high and dry.
Later, when i was serving breakfast to my darling husband, i told him about my dream and i was in for another surprise. Seems even he had a dream...He was locked up in a big area surrounded with very high walls with electric fence.... in far away.... afghanistan ,along with many others by...none other than.... Osama bin laden and in order to escape he actually turns into a spider-man and saves the day!Lol!

well what else...... a friend of mine got Osama married to our very own Madhuri and even managed to arrange Bush to take the photographs......where else...in her dreams ofcourse!

May they sleep in peace!

When my mother decided to learn cycling....

So, the day my mom was supposed to start learning to ride a cycle.. she changed into a salwar (for the first time after marriage).. Manjunath mama(my mothers brother) accompanied her.. The whole family came out to the front porch and eagerly looked on.

After rushing through the various controls and having seen MM give her a live demo ..my mom finally felt confident enough to ride. Everything went on smoothly till she mounted on the cycle....then came a barrade of excuses...the seat was always too high or too low , the emergency stand was missing,...and a lot of 'what if's' followed. No wonder, my dad had never attempted to teach my mother how to ride...smart man..i thought!!

MM was in no mood to listen to any of her excuses ..he was very determined to teach her... coz he was the first one to instigate her into this. Fortunately for him, my mom suddenly realised that the whole family was watching her and became very conscious.... After that,It did'nt take much of a convincing for her to give it another try.

This time my mom perched up on the cycle. From my angle it looked as if she was glued to it .Manju mam was still supporting the cycle and was telling her to pedal....But it seemed like mom was too scared of loosing control...she now started screaming like a kid..and was threatening to get out of the cycle. It was not until MM agreed to push her around , till she gets a knack of balancing it, that she calmed down.....I guess for the next 10 mins at least MM was still pushing her around. She was no where near pedalling and was merely enjoying the ride at the expense of MM...Now MM was on the verge of exploding...but try what may...he just couldnt Coz ..one word from him and my mom would never touch a cycle again.

After sometime MM realised he didnt have the energy to push his Di around. So he just left my mom on her own without a warning.

What followed next was a spectacle to watch.. my mom was probably enjoying the the scenery, the sun set, the breeze, .....maybe even all that attention she was getting from the porch....and felt like a queen .. amidst all the enjoyment it didn't strike her that she was riding the cycle on her own. so what happened next was that as soon as she realised, she rode straight into the compound wall of our house. She got up , managed a laugh and blamed the dupatta for having blocked her view.

MM was now convinced that she could ride ... he comforted her.. encouraged her to try again.. this time round my MM saw to it that nothing would distract her and asked my mom to secure her dupatta with a dozen pins.

All this time, my 8 year old cousin, being the shortest of the lot had chosen the gate, to watch my mom learn cycling....and it so happened that my mom had missed running straight into him by a few inches. He did not want to end up as a target ....he gave a quick warning look at my mom and ran to the porch where rest of the family was still watching bemused.

Again, as they were doing their rounds in the street, a Motorbike came from the opposite side.. Now that was totally unexpected. My grandmas house was in a secluded place and the only vehicle to be ever spotted there was a scooter that MM owned.Mom panicked...MM had just left her on her own, thinking she would make it. MM yelled..."HIT THE BRAKE".Mom, manged to hit the brake but forgot to stop pedalling ...as a result she did a topsy-turvy.

Mom got up and dusted herself.....A big silence followed..until my 8 year old cousin bursted out laughing and everyone joined him, including my mother.

The motor cyclist turned out to be our milk man...Guess what... it was his new bike!... and he thought he was the reason my mom got panicky...and no matter how hard we tried to convince him ...he was bent on supplying us the whole days milk for free .Mom, however got presents for his children to level it up.

That was the first and last time my mother tried to learn cycling and till date, the milk man walks to my grannys house to supply milk, everytime my mother pays her a visit.

Golden Moments...

I am a 23 year old married woman and have never missed my parents so much in my life as i do now. I have the best parents in the world. This is no revelation, i have known it ever since i started uttering the word...'Ma'. But as i do miss them very much, i thought why not write about them.

Well, my childhood was not very different from any other Indian. As any other previledged child i have fought with my mother for almost any and every reason in this world...from waking me up in the morning, getting me to eat breakfast, for staying out late to bringing home complaints from all over.Of all these fights and taunts the only time i could never fire-back at her was when i got my report card. I had no place to run or hide and no excuses to give and she had all the opportunity in the world to scold me whatever and practically whenever and where ever she felt. she used it as a weapon to get things done, as it turned out every time, for my own good.

If i rose up like a tigress in front of my mother, i was a mellowed cat in front of my father. There is a common saying that daughters are usually close to their father. Let alone close, i dont remember me even sitting anywhere in his vicinity. Coz i was always up to no good and he would find it out no matter how well i planned to hide it. In short. his name was enough to create terror amongst me and my brother.

The only consolation during all this, was the fact that i was never alone, be it beating, scolding or any other ordeal i always had a loyal company...my brother!! My parents never differentiated between us siblings. we were treated equally in every matter from getting candies to punishments. No matter who was at fault, we both bore the brunt and that was another incentive for us to work together as partners in crime and we eventually learnt to cover up each others plots in exchange for a favour.

...and all this continued for 21 years.

Now, its almost a year since i got married and moved to USA. I dont fight with my mother any more and i am not afraid of my father either but i do have a million reasons to love them even more. I am thankful to have them as my parents. Today when i look back at all those years, i cant find them at fault once. All the beatings and blastings were to discipline us. To make us better human beings. If at all people find an iota of goodness, honesty and morality in me its all because of them. For the ME i am now and the ME i will be evolving into, i owe it all to my parents.

I have learnt a lot from my parents. I always knew that my father loved us all a lot, but he was never action oriented.I learnt it a bit late, that my father loves me the most and every time i received a blow from him verbally or otherwise he would ask my mother to come and console me. He was proud of my achievements. But most of all he was proud of the daughter that i have grown up to be. All this and more, my mother told me on the night of my marraige when we again re-lived my childhood memories in the stillness of the dark.

That was a golden moment for me and the lesson those moments carried with them was the best present i as a new bride-to-be could have asked for.

I have probably learnt the most from my mother and will consider it a big achievement if i can be half as good as she is- a wonderful Daughter, an ideal Wife, a dutiful Daughter-in-law, a great Mother and a beautiful Person inside-out.

How it all started

LOL!! This is what actually got me blogging:-)

You Should Be a Film Writer

You don't just create compelling stories, you see them as clearly as a movie in your mind. You have a knack for details and dialogue. You can really make a character come to life. Chances are, you enjoy creating all types of stories. The joy is in the storytelling. And nothing would please you more than millions of people seeing your story on the big screen!

Click here to find out ->What Type of Writer Should You Be?